The Oscar season is upon us and 2004 is coming to an end. 2004 was a busy year for the Iranian football fans and I simply needed an excuse for a set of awards. End of 2004 provides that excuse.
Note that in
most cases, I don’t
expect the winners to show up at the reception!
The “Most
Useless Technical Manager” award
goes to …… Homayun Shahrokhi. He is the technical manager of the national team but which technical part of that team he manages is a mystery to me and the entire team.
The “How
Did They Grow So Tall?” award goes to the Chinese national football Team.
During the 2004 Asian Cup, the Chinese players’ height
average was 3 inch more than Iranians. How did these guys
get so
tall over the last 20 years?
The award for “It
takes 3 failures to prepare you for the fourth defeat” goes to Mohammad Mayeli Kohan.
It was not enough that he didn’t do well at the club level
with Saipa in Iran. It wasn’t enough that he was the responsible body for failure of the U23 team when it didn’t
qualify for the Athens Olympics. He resigned/fired from
another club, Paykan, earlier this month as their head coach just weeks after taking it over.
Which team is next for Mayeli Kohan? We hear the U23 team is looking for a foreign coach. I would say Mayeli Kohan is as foreign to winning in Iran as any Balkan coach and he would perfectly qualify for the job.
The “Thank
God the Damn Game is 90 Minutes!” award goes to
the Iran’s national team.
Lets see, Iran defeated Bahrain, Jordan and Qatar in 3
must wins and tied Oman in a must tie all within the
last 7 minutes
of the games. As they say in America, It ain’t over
until the fat lady sings.
The “Odd
Couple of the Year Award” goes to Ali Parvin and Ali Daei.
They fought, they made up, they fought and they were told
to make up. So, they did…sort of!
The “I like
my hair long and shiny” award goes to Niki, otherwise known as Alireza Nikbahkt Vahedi.
The “He could
score 1000 goals but for some reason I hate him” award goes to Ali Daei. Poor Daei. All he has done is play hard in every game and score for the national team and his clubs but he gets booed, is called profanities and his family members get attacked in the stands. That is what I call “Bacheha
Ma Nashokrim” from certain fans.
The “Ali
Daei Hater Newspaper of the Year” award goes to “Navad
Newspaper” How do they manage to turn every issue against Daei is not just an art, it is a true science. Somehow, the editorial board of this paper has become a group of mad scientists that look for the worst in the best of all situations.
The “Most
Organized Football Federation” award goes to Iran Football Federation. (IFF)
If you don’t believe me see how well IFF organized the Iran – Panama
match. As late as a week before the match, when FIFA (Football
World Body) and Panama Football Federation, both announced
that these two countries would meet in Tehran, IFF denied
such match was planned.
The “Pana-who” award goes also to the IFF for
not playing the National Anthems of Iran and Panama before
their match. I am guessing since IFF had no time to announce
the match, it didn’t have the time either to request the
musical sheets for the Panama national anthem.
The “Country
With Most Daily Sports Papers" award goes to Iran.
Iran has 17 sports daily papers (read football daily
papers) that I can count. If
you add all Europe, North America, Asia and Africa, you
won’t
find that many daily sports papers.
The “I am
biased and my best player” award
goes to Ali Karimi. This was a coming out of age year for Karimi. He played well for the national team, was the star of the Asian Cup and showed flashed of brilliance against Germany.
The “best
goal of the year” award goes to Hashemian’s
first goal against Qatar. That shot, on the run from right
behind the box to the lower left corner of the goal was
just brilliant.
The “I know
how to waste my talent in the Persian (don't you dare
call me anything else) Gulf” award goes to Karimi and Farhad Majidi.
The “Home
Sweet Home” award goes to Essteghlal of Ahvaz. This team has 5 victories and 1 tie at home and these 16 points account for 89% of all its points.
The “If it
is on the road, we have already lost” award also goes to Essteghlal of Ahvaz. 2 of the 18 points this team has came from the road matches.
“The Afsoos
ke gozashteh, digeh barnemigarde” (sorry the past glories do not come back) award goes to Paas and Majid Jalali (Paas head coach). Last year was glorious, this year is miserable. It seems like, feels like and smells like last year was an accident. God help Paas in the Asian Club Championship matches. It is too late for Jalali though. Fat Lady sang last week and he was fired.
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2004
Most Amusing Football Awards!